Hello, you lovely little sparkles! Many new names are joining The Joy Thief recently, so let's take this week's newsletter to recap the essence of The Joy Thief, what inspired it, and who I am.
I'm Chelsea. I grew up on a council estate in the west midlands, but I've transcended to being an economically middle-class home-owner in Sheffield. Sometimes my cultural class shines through, and the poshies think me unrefined and weird. I'm also a recently diagnosed Autistic ADHDer, which adds to the perception of weirdness, but what can you do? I lived in Vancouver for four years, where I was part of a Greenpeace group that I led through the pandemic — tough times. And, I also created a campaign called Climate Census which aimed to get as many people as possible to write 'climate concerned' on the census. I burned out, and so something had to change…
This is the part where we jump back in time. Wayyyy back into my childhood (because isn't this where all good stories start?) I was a miserable child. I was usually unhappy and often lonely, despite being surrounded by cousins and plenty of extended family. That's the thing I miss most about living on a council estate: you can walk down the street and bump into at least one person you're related to. Most of your family lives within the same handful of streets, but I digress.
I hit my teens and loneliness turned into self-hate. I saw a doctor when I was 12, after an incident that should have been a big red flag… He just acted as though there wasn't a problem, even though there definitely was. Meanwhile, this sad, self-hating teenager was ripped from her home, extended family, and the few friends she had made. We moved to a town over 100 miles away, and by some stroke of luck, I managed to make more friends. The self-hate didn't leave though. It just turned into drinking, which turned an already tumultuous relationship with my mother into hitting new lows.
By 21, parental relationships highly strained, I moved out and in with a relatively new boyfriend. It fixed nothing. I was still drinking to cope and often struggling. The doctors told me I was depressed and anxious, so I just believed them. I took the tablets they prescribed and cried myself to sleep when they failed to make me happy.
I stopped drinking. I quit my job. I traveled Europe with my boyfriend, and then I married him. We moved to Vancouver - where the doctors continued to tell me I was depressed and anxious. Meanwhile, I asked them if it was normal to have a panic attack so bad your hands curled into claws and you lost use of them for half an hour. They referred me for group therapy but gave no answers.
Meanwhile, as mentioned above, I was throwing myself into work and climate activism. I lived, breathed, and dreamed sustainability and climate action. I had no free time, so naturally… I burnt out.
At this point, my awakening began in a joyful transformation from an unhappy undiagnosed, and unaware neurodivergent into a slightly less unhappy, questioning neurodivergent.
When I felt confident enough in my self-diagnosed Autism and ADHD, I requested referrals for assessment and went through a significant shift in perspective. You see, before diagnosis, I thought I was the problem. I was too loud, too messy, too unstable, too sensitive, not smart enough, not motivated enough. Too much of some things and too little of others.
But in self-diagnosis, there was relief and lightness as I realised 'oh, it's not me that's the problem…' there's a reason I struggle so much and that reason is I live in a world that doesn't always include and support me.' That change in thinking made way for a lot of joy because, instead of spending so much energy working on myself, making myself 'better', and trying to fit in, I just started to let myself be. All that energy I had previously spent, started being directed into savouring all the little and big things I enjoy about life, primarily anything to do with nature and the unique aspects of every season
The more I savoured, the more joy I noticed, falling completely and utterly in love with the joy I experienced but could never recreate because it lived in a single moment.
With this influx of joy, I was able to see that actually, I have spent years without it. And even though neurodivergence is the biggest reason I struggle, I have other identities that also mean I am or have at some point been excluded from joy too - like being working-class.
I started to see how the systemic barriers in society limited and blocked our joy, how capitalism dictates our access to joy through systems of oppression and forces us to manufacture an inauthentic type of joy through validation, consumption and productivity, all for capitalism's own benefit. I saw how there were different types of joy; the big J Joy (the essentials we need to live a comfortable life) and the little j joys (the little sparkly moments like a good cup of tea or a bird in the garden.)
So, in true ADHD fashion, I impulsively started a newsletter that I called The Joy Thief, where I could write about how capitalism, climate change and power structures in our society steal joy from us and how we can reclaim authentic joy - primarily by reconnecting with nature and seasons, shunning manufactured joy, and living in the present. The Joy Thief is the barren darkness of winter, the brisk lightness of spring, the bountiful heat of summer, and the cosy burrowing of autumn. My writing is the sharing of highs and lows in the pursuit to change my life, my community and the wider world into a more joyful place.
I'm glad you're here for the journey; it's really joyful to have you here.
At the bottom of every newsletter, every week, there is a section to share and celebrate joyful moments from the week. Here's some of my little sparkles.
The garden is ALIVE! I pulled a small but gorgeous harvest from the garden at the end of April, a bowl of kale - now stored away in my freezer, a handful of purple sprouting broccoli - added to a pasta dish - and a handful of radishes, which have been quick pickled and ravished. On top of this I have so many seedlings perching on window sills and taking up space in my Grandads old plastic greenhouse that I’m sure more bounty to come.
I have an allotment. On it there is a big bushy beautiful rosemary bush. It's branches hold more rosemary than I can eat in a lifetime so every visit I've been cutting it back and packing the flowering stems into a brown paper bag and then leaving them on my door step for others to take and use. Two whole bags have so far been disseminated into my community and really hope they made someone's day.
Lastly, the butterflies are emerging! This week I've seen 2 orange tips, and one of them was in my garden! Summer really is on the way.
I'd love to revel in your joy too, so share any joy you've recently experienced in the comments. Over to you.
I love this! Particularly how you defined big J Joy and little j joy and how our lack of joy can be tied to the state of the world rather than something inherently wrong with us.
Beautiful stuff, I love your ‘Stacks’, fully charged with life & Joy