the way trauma follows us
an exploration of how neurodivergent trauma is carried within us - in the form of a poem.
a crack in my skin shows fear and darkness
it weighs heavy
a trauma following me
leashed and untrained
i am leading it
nipping my heals
biting
gnashing
clawing
at every part of me I hate
and every part of me the world wants to erase
a creeping burden that is my darkest self
the part of me that needs help
needs protection
from the projections I have eaten
and carried in my body
in my mind unspoken, a secret
a shame I can’t contain
built from sinister ideologies
that others set loose and pressed upon my body
constricted me
suffocated me
ended me
made me wish i wasn’t alive
made me want me run
hide from the world
hide my face
hide my shine
but by looking at the beast
i finally realise,
you can not make me carry shame that is not mine.
I’ve always loved writing, but it didn’t develop to long form essays and thoughts until I was in my mid-twenties. My writing started as poetry in my teen years and it got lost somewhere between university and a 40 hour work week.
With the luxury of being off work, I’m at the point of burnout where I’m gently exploring my passions, poking at the edges of all the things I once enjoyed and have lost motivation for over the recent months and long working years, testing to see what heals and soothes.
Poetry is one of the forgotten passions I’m tending.
This isn’t a space built primarily to share my poetry, it’s one that addresses joy and it’s theft under the capitalist, oppressive systems we live under so, when the poetry feels relevant, you will find it in your inbox. I’ll leave meaning and interpretations to you.
Above all else, you don’t need to enjoy my poetry. This isn’t really about the poetry, it’s about reconnecting with a lost love, unearthing joy from my youth that has been missed, and I hope this will serve as your prompt to do the same.
Have a joyful week
Chelsea
Thanks for sharing this. One of the hardest parts of coming back from burnout (well, a little bit at least) was finding ways to have fun and joy without it being tied to productivity or 'value.' But those activities are the ones that make us human
Thanks for sharing this. 💚